i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize