I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
