the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
