Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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