he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
