I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
