i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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