i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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