This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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