he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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