Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
