WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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