you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
