im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You did what with his pubic hair?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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