There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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