so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
