This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
