I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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