...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
