so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
