My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
