My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
