I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
