All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I could fuck to npr.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
