I wish my penis had an off switch
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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