You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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