the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
