woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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