the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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