My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
