I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
