Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
