Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
