the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
