I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
even my farts smell like vagina
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
