Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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