I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
