Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
