dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fuck appropriateness.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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