North Korea, Best Korea!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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