if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
