I feel like I'm in dance class right now
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
