ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
