just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
