All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is it because I queefed?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
