Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
