I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
