Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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