if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
