everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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