People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
They are going to name an STD after you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
