I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
