Sry I called you an 8
someone owes me an orgasm
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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