He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
