I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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