If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
