ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
