I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
