Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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