I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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