I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
