He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
