You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
