i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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