Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think my fart just growled at me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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