There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
