So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
