i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
