4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
