He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
