Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
