You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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