Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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